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Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
A man is as faithful as his options
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
It should really be called teethpaste.