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Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is `What is never the answer?`