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Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.