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I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
The best things in life require no pants.
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.