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like this if you are against animal cruelty
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.