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Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
exercise........you mean extra fries
The songs I like always come on when I’m supposed to be getting out of my car.
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.