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People of planet Earth, thank your gods that I`m not in charge of the red button.
Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
I want to sleep tighter
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
status uploading