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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.