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I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.