Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night.
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
Mom: Clean your room. We`re having guests over for dinner. Me: I didn`t realize that dinner will be held in my room.
ok ladies quick question?,say a guy wanted to wear a thong does he tuck shirt in or out? Asking for a friend.
I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
It must suck when billionaires wake up feeling like a million bucks.
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?