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Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don`t remember who you are.
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks