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The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
Iām classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
They should make Vodka ChapStick
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
I`ve been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.