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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
I got drunk last night and watched the most hilarious television show for hours until I sobered up and realized it was just a mirror.
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
is a mystery you´ll never solve
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
If guns don’t kill people, but people kill people, then doesn’t that mean that toasters don’t toast toast, but instead toast toasts toast?
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.