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I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons! You`re wlecome, enjoy the day.
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
I hate it when Iām singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.