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What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.