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This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
"How much for the man cave?" "Sir that`s a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a cool double life.
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.