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For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.