Daily Silly Status

Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.

Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes

Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix

When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.

When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.

I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for

And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”

I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.

I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"

I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long

I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"

I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.

I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.

You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.

Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.