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Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? You don`t know what you`re missing.
Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
Detective: “The victim musta had company. There’s 2 dirty plates in the sink.” If I ever get murdered they’ll think I had 16 people over.
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.