Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown