Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
Find someone you`re good at.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked ... So did all the other people at the post office.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.