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It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
is "insert clever remark here."
How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!