Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
My mom at night: Good night, sweet dreams I love you. My mom in the morning: Wake the f*ck up you lazy piece of sh!t.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.