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It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.