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Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
sleep is for people without netflix
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.