Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
When someone shows you they don`t want to be a part of your life, let them go. I`m not saying you can`t make a voodoo doll of them, though.
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .