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If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
So much to do and so few alibis.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.
"I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone" -girls who can`t figure out boyfriend`s passwords