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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
Telling people your phone is gonna die, But you really just don’t want to text them.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/