Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
I miss the days when minding your own business was a thing.
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
I have never walked toward the exit of a supermarket without nervously wondering if I`ve stolen something.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.