Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
I love my toilet. We`ve been through alot of sh!t together.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
Sorry I got really drunk and ended up being really mouthy and offensive at your party next week.
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."