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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
Sometimes, I don`t know how I`m going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.