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Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
Sometimes I like to take a roll of duct tape and use it to cover up all the Mondays on my desk calendar.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out