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When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
I appreciate your help, but no thanks, I can f*ck up my life on my own.
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
Being single is the worst sh!t ever. Being in a relationship is a close second.
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.