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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
One trenta cheeseburger please.
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
drinks well with others.