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The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can`t drive a bus..
The only thing worse than "the one who got away" is "the one who won`t go away."
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
Garage sales are the gateway drug to Walmart.
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.