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I`ve been having really bad headaches lately. The doctor said they were all in my head.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
I`m not just living paycheck to paycheck. I`m living from paycheck to change jar to scrap aluminum to liquor store to paycheck.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......