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Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
If someone doesn’t stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it’s totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by.
How are poor people so good at finding money for tattoos?
Sometimes it would be nice if the world had an off switch.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.