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I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
A world without Facebook would be much more productive.
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.