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If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
When she says she`s madly in love with you, concentrate more on the word madness.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it....
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.
Calling your girlfriend beautiful because you forgot her name.
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?