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So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
Look, if your cart is in the middle of the aisle and I need to get by, then yes, this is bumper cars.
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.