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Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
Walmart needs observation decks.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
I`m convinced girls only want one thing from guys... all of our hoodies. -Bfanch
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!