Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Do bees even have knees?
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
I`m leaving my body to science fiction
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
I bought 2 fish and named one, “one” and the other “two”, so when “one” dies I will still have “two”.
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"