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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.