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The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
Oh, I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the ones I kept to myself.
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."