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I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
"And then I rented a monster truck and drove it through their f*cking house!" - How all my stories would end if I was a billionaire.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.