Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.