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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
You are wasting your time reading this status.
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I`m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: The one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.