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I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting . . . I nearly couldn’t finish my sandwich.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
If I`m not in bed by 11PM, then I go home.
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?