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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, Iām a hunter-gatherer.
Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.