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When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
MARRIAGE TIP: Don`t get fat.
They say children are a gift from god. I`m totally wide-open to regifting.