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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.