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How to make friends: 1. Tell people you have weed.
The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they can`t laugh either.
Save water- shower with me!
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls