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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Here is your New Years Resolution. All of that stupid sh!t you did last year? Don’t do that crap this year. Done. You’re welcome.
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
Does anyone have plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.
Stop undressing me with your eyes!...Use your teeth!