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I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.