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Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
If someone doesn’t stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it’s totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?