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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
I`m trying to cut back on posting pics to Instagram, so I`m not going to eat anymore.
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I