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It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
only fights if pillows are present.
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.
Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.