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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
It`s possible you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
Raising teenagers is easy, they sleep 16 hours day, eat the other 8, and the only word in their vocab is "ok"
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.