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I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
I’m too young to be too old for everything.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
Some old people are driving vehicles right now and don’t even know it.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
I want to meet the guy at Hewlett Packard who decides how many minutes of strange noises their printers make before printing 1 page.