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Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
I`d say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we`re not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, or the ice dispenser..
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.