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I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
I just googled "Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don`t Fear the Reaper?" and my first response was, "Go outside and do something."
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
Like if you really googled to see if that kid really died from masturbating
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time