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It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for your mom.
I like it like that
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?