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I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
Good morning to some...Hello to others...And f*uck you to the rest!!
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
After watching "Breaking Bad" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I`d rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician.
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
I need to put someone on my weekend to-do list