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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!