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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
I`d like to give you a big thumb`s-up. But I`m afraid that would be the wrong finger.
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.