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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.