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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they`re empty.
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
The only yoga stretch I’ve perfected is the yawn.
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.