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Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
I sleep better naked.. why can´t the flight attendants understand this?
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.