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Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
Reminiscing isn’t as fun as it used to be.
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog like I`m a blackjack dealer...