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Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
My therapist cries "Why me?" for the full hour.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station.
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?